Podcast
This episode is to discuss another forbidden thing – jealousy.
Jealousy refers to the psychological state of resentment, doubt, anger, fear, inadequacy, humiliation, helplessness or disgust, etc., due to the feeling that others are superior to oneself.
Jealousy can occur in every area of life, for example, most commonly in relationships between men and women and in marriage, and usually refers to insecurities of lack of security. The most common example is when a spouse contacts or talks to the opposite sex that cause jealousy. Another example is the struggle between siblings for favor and status in the hearts of parents. Another example is jealousy of others’ houses, possessions, cars, watches, different material lives, or jealousy of others’ appearance, birth or height. Another example is how grand the wedding of others is, the number of children of others, the achievements of other people’s children, how harmonious and happy the family of others is, the achievements of other people’s work, and so on.
There are also some people who negatively only see what they lack, and have strong negative emotions, including feelings of resentment, hatred, hostility, and so on. The most likely reason is low self-esteem. Many times, they don’t really want to win, but they are just afraid of losing. Usually, low self-esteem may make people feel that they are not as good as others, but low self-esteem is not always a bad thing, as sometimes, Inferiority can be like fuel, making people to move forward; however, jealousy is the consequences of excessive inferiority.
The other extreme is arrogance. When people look down on others, or feel that others are not great at all in any aspect. But when these people seem to outperform or superior in financial resources, power, or other aspects, then they will start to feel anxiety, uncomfort, disgust, resentment, anger and fear, etc that feelings related to jealous. In some cases, it may lead to unscrupulous efforts to suppress others in order to maintain status or achieve their goals.
To put it simply, in fact, jealousy evolves due to comparison. Many times people often compare themselves with others, but the more they look at others, the comparison will never end, because it will always be (Chinese proverb) “other people’s rice is always more fragrant” (or the moon in other place is more round).
Therefore, there are different Qur’an verses as reminders.
(4:32) And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. …
(6:165) And it is He who … has raised some of you above others in degrees [of rank] that He may try you through what He has given you. …
(20:131) And do not extend your eyes toward that by which We have given enjoyment to [some] categories of them, [its being but] the splendor of worldly life by which We test them. And the provision of your Lord is better and more enduring.
The above Ayats clearly point out that Allah makes people surpass each other. For those who obtain blessing from Allah, it is a test for them to see how they use the blessing of Allah; for those who do not have the same blessing from Allah, it is also a test to see how they look at others’ and whether they can see the different blessing they already have. At the same time, these Ayats remind us not to covet what others get, but to be grateful for the blessing we already have, because the life in this world is short-lived and fleeting.
(3:26) …O Allah, Owner of Sovereignty, You give sovereignty to whom You will and You take sovereignty away from whom You will. You honor whom You will and You humble whom You will. In Your hand is [all] good. Indeed, You are over all things competent.
This Ayat clearly points out that all benefits are in the hands of Allah. Not just by thinking, then one will have. As the common sayings,
“If it’s fate to have something, it will be yours at the end. If it’s fate not to have something, then don’t force to have.”
At the same time, everything one have, now can be a blessing or can be a curse, and what one don’t have is not necessarily a bad thing. The real tranquil heart is to be grateful for what one already has in the hands. It is not like a metaphor saying, holding a bowl of rice in one hand but always eyes on other people’s rice.
The life of a jealous person will not be easy too, because they have difficulty in calming their hearts, they hate what other people have, and complain about what they don’t have. If a jealous person can’t do anything to hurt the person he is jealous of, then they will try to talk, defame, slander, or accuse behind their backs, possibly to destroy what others have, even at the risk of being exposed.
There is a hadith in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) reminded everyone not to be jealous, because jealousy eats up faith like fire burns wood.
This hadith reflects the seriousness of jealousy. Jealousy eats up faith. Jealous people not only hurt themselves, but also those who are envied. Just like Satan Iblis, he was initially blessed to stay in heaven with angels. When Allah created human and ask him to bow down to human, then hewho openly opposed Allah because he was jealous of the status of human beings in heaven. and even though he knew his blessing will bestripped off and go to the hell, but he would still rather ask Allah to allow him to seduce humans into hell with him, rather than asking for forgiveness for himself. (Chinese proverb) Prefer broken as jade, will not accept to be in one piece as tile. It means that they would rather be broken and fall into hell than bow their heads to admit their mistakes and accept the status of human beings to save themselves.
Another example is the story of the two sons of the Prophet Adam. The elder brother killed the younger brother because the elder brother was jealous that the tribute of the younger brother was accepted by Allah. Another example is the prophet Joseph/Youssef, because his beautiful look and favored by his father, so he wasjealous by his brothers, so they conspired to drop him into a well. Another example is that the Pharaoh received a lot of blessings from Allah, but because of his arrogance, he felt that everyone could only worship him, so he was very angry with Moses to ask others only worship Allah. Therefore, Pharaoh actually very much jealous of Allah, that’s why after being punished by natural disasters every time, he will return to his old practice and intensify his efforts to against. He is not afraid of Allah, because he cannot accept other people to worship Allah, so he would rather kill innocent people indiscriminately and sacrifice the lives of many people, he would still be against Allah. Because (Chinese proverb) human surely can win the Sky (God) mindset.
Another example is that after the death of the Prophet Moses, the Israelites asked Allah to appoint a new leader. Because they were dissatisfied with the ordinary birth of the new king and jealous of him being a leader, they openly opposed Allah’s arrangement, preferring to continue to drift around and be oppressed, but they refused to follow the new king’s instructions to make a change.
From the above, we can see that jealousy makes many people irrational. Sometimes, even if they hurt others and themselves, they still do what they want, just because they can’t swallow the jealousy, and they would rather indulge these negative emotions and let loose to their own desires. Therefore, Allah sent down the Qur’an 113:1-5, “Say, “I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak, From the evil of that which He created, And from the evil of darkness when it settles, And from the evil of the blowers in knots, And from the evil of an envier when he envies.”
This verse is asking Allah for protection from different evils, including the evil of jealousy. As you can imagine, the power of jealousy, especially when people choose to harm and self-harm together rather than let go of their jealousy, their hearts will never get peace too.
Fortunately, Allah has taught people how to let go of jealousy from different angles. One of the easiest, and also the hardest for some, is to do Dua for others. Just imagine, how would one feel and react when someone told that he was promoted to a higher salary, changed his house, got married, had his children admitted to a prestigious university, or that the couple had a honeymoon again, etc?
And the best way to get rid of jealousy is to pray for them and wish them well. Also, whether one benefits or not, still thank Allah for what he has arranged. It seems easy, but it is very difficult for some people indeed. It takes constant struggle in the heart to let go of this jealous feeling. Therefore, even if you are reluctant in your heart, remind yourself that every prayer of blessing, Allah will equally reward the person who prays, especially the more struggling in your heart, the greater the reward. Wishing others well, only gains, not losses.
(15:88) Do not extend your eyes toward that by which We have given enjoyment to [certain] categories of the disbelievers…
There are many Ayats like this in the Qur’an that remind us not to desire something that is not ours, or to desire something we should not have, and to have unreasonable thoughts or intentions about what others have. because
(2:216) …But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.
Isn’t this Ayat also a reflection of some of our life realities?
(28:82) …Allah extends provision to whom He wills of His servants and restricts it (to whom He wills)! …
Another way to let go of jealousy, like this Ayat, is to understand that everyone has their own fate and sustenance, but it’s not that they don’t work hard and wait for it to drop from heaven. The Prophet (pbuh) knew that he was a Prophet sent by Allah, not only did he not sit there and wait for others to follow him until he became an important person, but he continued to work hard, even if he knew there was danger, he still move forward because no one knows what will happen in the next second, but do your best and leave the result to Allah.
(28:60) And whatever thing you [people] have been given – it is [only for] the enjoyment of worldly life and its adornment. And what is with Allah is better and more lasting; so will you not use reason?
Indeed, if you can see that the provisions of this world are only decorative and temporary, and know what is most important in your life, then you will no longer be jealous of others.
(3:140) …And these days [of varying conditions] We alternate among the people so that Allah may make evident those who believe ,…
Just like this Ayat, luck will continue to cycle, there is no eternal good luck, and there is no eternal bad luck, even if you see what other people have, it does not represent the whole truth, jealous of others, only make yourself follow the Satan Iblis’s footsteps, that will cause themselves into a state of unease, anger and self-destruction.
It is recorded in a hadith that the Prophet (pbuh) once said to his companions that you would like to see someone in heaven? Then a man passed by, and the Prophet (pbuh) said that the man was one of those in heaven. Therefore, one of the Prophet’s companions decided to find out how this man was so highly evaluated by the Messenger of Allah, so he spent time with this man and observed him carefully. He noticed that he was not doing extra night prayers, or doing anything unusual, and he seemed to be just a regular Medina man. The companion finally told the man what the prophet had said about him and asked him if he had done anything special. The man replied that the only thing I could think of besides doing what everyone else did was that I made sure I didn’t hold any grudges when I slept, and that was his secret.
This hadith reminds people not to hold any grudge against others, that is, to get rid of jealousy too, at least one can sleep peacefully and not be dominated by unnecessary jealousy. When people can have quiet and adequate sleep, they can naturally become happy and satisfied, as well as having positive thoughts and emotions.
Another hadith, the Prophet (pbuh) said, neither hating each other nor envy nor enmity, to be fellow men, brothers and servants who follow Allah, it is not lawful for a Muslim to be estranged from his brother for more than three days of.
To sum up, when you see yourself disliking that Allah blesses other than you with knowledge, wealth, good character, good health of the likes of that, know that you have within you destructive jealousy. Try to eradicate it.
Jealous is forbidden in Islam, but envious(in Chinese) is not the same as jealousy. Envious can be defined as a person’s awareness of his own identity, achievements or possessions, etc., maybe not as good as others, but there is no resentment within and they are happy for them.
In addition to what Allah has taught us how to get rid of envy, He also taught us not to be arrogant and boast about what we have, so as to avoid attracting jealousy, because life’s ups and downs are normal, nothing lasts forever, rather than showing off to others, it is better to do more good deeds and charity as gratitude to Allah, which is more practical and safe.
May Allah protect you from the evils of jealousy, and may Allah remove any jealousy.
Next episode will continue discussion. thanks for listening.