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Bismillah Rahmani Raheem
A commonly heard Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Whoever marries has achieved one half of one’s religion.” From this Hadith can
see, how important is the marriage.
Since ancient time, besides marriage is to continue the heritage, marriage is also the connection between tribes and families. Although
marriage is between two people, actually it’s undeniable that two people marriage acting as a bridge between tribes and families. Nowadays, the marriage might not be as concern as olden time, but still it always connect two different nuclear families together.
This episode will discuss what is allowed and prohibited in marriage.
1400 years ago, Arabs married close relatives were common, like married the step-mom, married sisters at the same time, married blood
brothers or blood sisters’ daughter, etc. It was similar like Ching and Ming Dynasty or earliest Dynasty way of marriage to maintain, strengthen or balance the powers between families.
According to Ibn Kathir’s record, the Christian in 1400 years ago, they usually married those women whose have 7 grandfathers between
them, which means they married super distant relatives or no blood relationship at all. Jewish people are allowed to married their blood
brothers’ blood sisters’ daughters. So, the coming Quran Aaya was to describe what is allowed in marriage and it was kind of between the
Jewish and Christian practices.
(33:50) O Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their due compensation and those your right hand
possesses from what Allah has returned to you [of captives] and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who emigrated with you ….
This Aaya means the daughters of their father’s brothers and sisters are allowed to marry. Also the daughters of their mother’s brothers
and sisters are allowed to marry. As mentioned in the previous podcast, slavery has been abolished before Prophet’s passed away, so the right hands possess and captives, was mentioned due to the incident, the battle of Azhab, or the battle of trench, the losing tribes have appointed their own people as judge, according to their old testaments to give rulings. Though they all became captives as slaves, but during this incident, actually big quantity of people had been released as free person.
The Aaya continued: “…and a believing woman if she gives herself to the Prophet [and] if the Prophet wishes to marry her, [this is] only
for you, excluding the [other] believers. We certainly know what We have made obligatory upon them concerning their wives and those their right hands possess, [but this is for you] in order that there will be upon you no discomfort. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.”
At that time, there was a woman wanted to give herself to Prophet(pbuh), but he didn’t response, so there was a companion requested to marry her, then Prophet (pbuh) asked him to give her dowry. Therefore, even a woman is willingly giving herself to marry, the believer still has to give her dowry, no exception, cannot use this as an excuse to takeaway their rights to have dowry.
Quran (4:19) O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
This Aaya is very clear, and emphasized to prohibit inherit women by compulsion, treat them as asset (Chinese translation) or (by Sarwar
“Believers, it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will as part of the legacy.”), women are not accessory, cannot giveaway or buy or sell to others. After marriage, if no more liking them, still cannot oppress them, make their lives difficult, and get back part of the dowry, instead need to treat them nicely. If feeling dislike, need to endure it with patient, or anything dislike, Allah has placed many good in it. What is this goodness? No one know immediately, but wait and see.
After this Quran comes (4:20-21) If you want to divorce a woman so that you can marry another, do not take back the dowry which you had paid even if what you paid was a large amount of gold. To do this is a slanderous act and a manifest sin. How can you take it back when you have had intimate relations and made a solemn agreement with each other?
In this Ayaa, needless to say much, as a man, like new woman and dislike the old one, still should not be unfair, do not act so cheap. Allah has asked a question in this Aaya, it’s actually the answer, usually as an emphasis. In other words, do not and cannot use lies to slander woman, just to get back any dowry, even not a single cents.
Quran (4:22-24) Do not marry, from now on, the ex-wives of your fathers for that custom was sinful, loathsome, and abominable. You are
forbidden to marry your mothers, daughters, sisters, paternal aunts, maternal aunts, nieces, your foster-mothers, your foster-sisters, your mothers-in-law, your step-daughters whom you have brought up and with whose mothers you have had carnal relations. It would not be a sin to marry her if you did not have carnal relations with her mother. You are forbidden to marry the wives of your own sons and to marry two sisters at the same time without any adverse affect to the such relations of the past. God is All-forgiving and All-merciful.You are forbidden to marry married women except your slave-girls. This is the decree of God. Besides these, it is lawful for you to marry other women if you pay their dower, maintain chastity and do not commit indecency. If you marry them for the appointed time you must pay their dowries. There is no harm if you reach an understanding among yourselves about the dowry, God is All-knowing and All-wise.
This three Aaya, basically, have listed clearly the rules of marriage, only few words need to clarify, for example, foster mother means milk
mother and those kids have the same milk from the same foster mother, when those kids grow up, they treated as foster brothers and sisters. At the same time, married two sisters was not permitted, except when one passed away, then married her sister, then it’s ok.
Quran (2:221) And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though
she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.
This Aaya pointed out, it’s totally not allowed to marry polytheistic men and women, which means these are the people who do not believe in
Allah, but believe in Allah’s creation.
(5:5) …And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers. And whoever denies the faith – his work has become worthless, and he, in the Hereafter, will be among the losers.
This Aaya is to allow a believer to marry the scripture women, it means Christian and Jewish. And the believing woman only can marry only Muslim man, and this topic make many people feel very unfair. But as Chinese proverb (for women), marry rooster follow rooster, marry dog follow dog, marry monkey follow monkey to run around the hill.
Nowadays, women might not agree this point, but when come to actual living as couple, then might not be what one wish. A simple example as having meal together, if a husband likes pork and wine, as a wife, can she eat in the same table and he is by himself, she is by herself. It means he cooks for himself, she cooks for herself, he buys his own wine, etc. When husband’s family come visit, is it doing the same? When there are children, will the wife prohibit husband to share his own food to children? At last, in order to maintain the family relationship and harmony, also want the husband loves to come home, not to hang around outside too much, one side has to give compromise. Even husband and wife with the same belief, still no exception, there need the heart/effort to maintain the relationship, mutual help, there will come to a point to compromise some of the living details. When people with the same faith, the compromise details, will not affect the faith foundation. But if husband is in different faith, the compromise details, might be affect the faith foundation.
However, this is all personal choice, Allah has given everyone freedom of choice, to choose what a person desire, or to choose what Allah likes? it’s up to the person themselves.
In summary, the above mentioned related to marriage rule, who can marry and who cannot, can be clearly seen. Those blood relations who cannot be (prohibited to) married are called Mahram. In Arabic roots are same as Haram, therefore, in front of Mahram, no need to maintain the dressing rules like not necessary to wear hijab. In Quran (24:31) “And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons,…”
Therefore, those who born from donated sperms, after grow up, might not know who are their close relatives. There might have many hidden issues.
In other words, besides what Allah has mentioned whom are prohibited to marry, all others are permitted. And giving dowry to woman were important, do not hold on the dowry, using different excuse, not to give dowry before marriage, whatever promised, everything was recorded. Not fulfilling promise is like a lies, giving false statement etc. Or giving the living expenses as dowry, then deducted
from it, these behavior were not accepted.
Even after marriage, no more like the wife, still cannot do anything unfair to her, or oppressed her to make her life difficult, it’s not allowed to get back the dowry. Anything dislike, might have hidden goodness, look for the good side, might be able to discover.
However, if really cannot continue, and also want to marry others, then do not create story, to slander wife, so you can cheat back the
dowry, all this is prohibited. No matter how much reasonable seemed on the outside, Allah still know all openly and deeply hidden thoughts, no where to hide.
Next episode, will continue the marriage rules. Thanks for listening.