Podcast
Bismillah Rahman Raheem
This episode is going to discuss another forbidden thing in Islam, backbiting.
What is “backbiting”?
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has briefly described the definition of “backbiting” according to one of the hadiths. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) once asked his followers, “Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He continued, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.” Someone then asked, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) responded: “If what you say is true then you have backbitten about him, and if it is not true, then you have slandered him.”
(49:11-12) O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one’s] faith. And whoever does not repent – then it is those who are the wrongdoers.O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.
These two Ayats reflect the general content of the backbiting and the severity of this act:
The first is to ridicule others, taking other people’s anecdotes or misfortunes as the topic of ridicule. Usually, the motive for laughing at others is to look down on others, in other words, thinking oneself to be self-righteous.
The second is to slander, mostly including lots of insulting elements.
The third is to create offensive nickname. Mostly starting from ridicule someone, therefore they create nickname for others. There might be exception, but it’s rare.
The fourth is suspicion. Because of suspicion, many times, they will detect each other behind their backs. One of characteristics of these people is they don’t ask directly to clear up their doubts, mostly trying to talk with hidden meaning, they prefer to believe the rumors even the person replies to them personally. In the end, they will prefer to believe the imagined explanation, fabricated facts and treat them as truth.
No matter the above mentioned four points common backbiting contents, either it’s public or at the back, one should not do it no matter what. In the end, Allah describes these actions similar like eating the flesh of a Muslim’s dead body. One can understand that backbiting is such evil behavior. And as a person who believes in Allah, not only should you not do it, but also should feel disgusted for all this act. Allah pointed out these behaviors, was not to blame people, but to teach how to be a person, and Allah also emphasized in many places in the Qur’an that people are not perfect, no one is faultless, but as long as you ask Allah for forgiveness, correct mistakes, then Allah will love these virtues.
All the previous prophets were not immune to being slandered by others. For example, because of being slander, the prophet Abraham was thrown into the fire, the prophet Joseph (also known as Yusuf) was imprisoned, the prophet Moses was exiled, and the prophet Isa (aka Jesus) was crucified, etc. Here needs to point out that according to the Quran, Jesus did not get crucified, only Allah made the people think they did succeed their plot. The Prophet Muhammad and his family also experienced similar.
On one occasion, the Prophet’s wife “Aisha” accompanied the Prophet (pbuh) and the caravan to the expedition, but she was separated from the Prophet because she overslept in the morning. When she was at a loss, a man passed by, and then he let “Aisha” sat on his camel, and he pulled the camel and walked until Aisha was safely returned to the “Medina”. Later, when some people saw them walking together, they started talking behind their backs, which eventually turned into a false story, turning this simple act of help into a scandal of infidelity, and many people kept talking about it in the city. This troubled the Prophet because, apart from the two parties involved, only Allah knew the actual situation, so “Aisha” sadly prayed to Allah for revealing the truth. One month after the incident, Allah sent down this Quran in response to the incident,
(24:11-21) Indeed, those who came with falsehood are a group among you. Do not think it is bad for you; rather it is good for you. For every person among them is what [punishment] he has earned from the sin, and he who took upon himself the greater portion thereof – for him is a great punishment. Why, when you heard it, did not the believing men and believing women think good of one another and say, “This is an obvious falsehood”? Why did they [who slandered] not produce for it four witnesses? And when they do not produce the witnesses, then it is they, in the sight of Allah, who are the liars. And if it had not been for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy in this world and the Hereafter, you would have been touched for that [lie] in which you were involved by a great punishment When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah, tremendous. And why, when you heard it, did you not say, “It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, [O Allah]; this is a great slander”? Allah warns you against returning to the likes of this [conduct], ever, if you should be believers. And Allah makes clear to you the verses, and Allah is Knowing and Wise. Indeed, those who like that immorality should be spread [or publicized] among those who have believed will have a painful punishment in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah knows and you do not know. And if it had not been for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy… and because Allah is Kind and Merciful. O you who have believed, do not follow the footsteps of Satan. And whoever follows the footsteps of Satan – indeed, he enjoins immorality and wrongdoing. And if not for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy, not one of you would have been pure, ever, but Allah purifies whom He wills, and Allah is Hearing and Knowing.
These ayats clearly point out that, when one hears rumors, why only make malicious guesses, and then spread the rumors that you hear. Without providing at least 4 witnesses who really saw the scandal happening, then anything that was said will be regarded as a lie, because What one imagines is not the truth. In simply saying, there must be evidence. If one speaks ignorantly, one may think it is a small thing; but in the sight of Allah, it is a big thing. At the same time, Allah warns that those who like to spread scandal among believers will suffer painful punishments in this world and the hereafter. Allah knows, but people don’t know.
But no matter what, this verse sums it up that if one sincerely repents to Allah and stops talking behind people back, Allah will grant forgiveness, because Allah is merciful, kind, and knows all things public and hidden. And in the very first verse, Allah mentioned that one should not think that these rumors were harmful, but they are actually beneficial. Because in real life, when people are in the most difficult times, they will know who is the real friend or who will hurt you most when needed. When the difficulty is over, one will know who need to be cherished and who need to be avoided.
And because of this incident, it was found that many rumors were spread by Aisha’s tribe. Therefore, her father Abu Bakr vowed not to help anymore these relatives, the poor and those who migrated with him.
Imagine, if backbiting by someone you do not know or someone not so close, then it’s nothing big deal. But if someone you think you’re close to, and they backbiting you, then the feeling is very big difference. Disappointment, anger, and betrayal will all rush in. So, it is human nature to break away from and break up with those who slander, or to keep a distance. Because of this, Allah has sent down an Ayat to soothe these negative emotions.
(24:22) And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give [aid] to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
This Ayat clearly states that forgive others, let go of yourself, and leave things to Allah, in addition to receiving forgiveness from Allah, one can live with peace of mind. No one is perfect. In life, one will also make many different mistakes consciously and unconsciously. To forgive others is similar to earning a little bit of Allah’s forgiveness and mercy for themselves.
(2:224) And do not make [your oath by] Allah an excuse against being righteous and fearing Allah and making peace among people. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing.
This ayat reminds us not to use oaths as an excuse to prevent doing good deeds and speak the truth, and do not blindly follow oaths and make ourselves cannot distinguish right and wrong. Doing good deed is not because those people have to be obedient to you, not because those people have to think the same as you, and not because those people have to be grateful to you. Do good deeds only to please Allah, and only to ask Allah’s reward. Therefore, if anyone is in need, regardless of their background, whether you all had an argument or fight before, doing good deeds is just because all people and things are the creation of Allah.
Another hadith: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Help your brother, whether he is the oppressor or the oppressed.” People ask: “O Messenger of Allah! If he is oppressed, it is alright to help him, but if he is an oppressor, how can we help him?” The Prophet said, “Prevent him from oppressing others.”
In this hadith, the oppressed may complain or ask for help to those around them because of the oppression. Usually, in order to avoid retaliation or intimidation, the victim may need to speak to others in secret, and there may be a need to reveal who the oppressor is, so this is one of the exceptions, asking for help does not constitute backbiting, as long as it is based on facts.
In addition, the person who listens to the victim’s complaint does not necessarily have to take action, then it is called help. Sometimes, listening quietly, or giving sincere advice if asked, is also a kind of help. However, if you need other people to participate and assist, you must be careful about who and how you describe the content, and you don’t have to reveal their names until you can clearly find out how to help. But do not tell to someone has nothing to do with it, no matter how big or small, as a pastime topic. This may turn into backbiting, and from being a helper to become a perpetrator, completely betraying the victim’s trust in you. If one doesn’t want to fall into the situation as backbiting, one should only care about those things that concern you.
In the same way, when one know who the oppressor is, you don’t just criticize behind their back, but tell it through actions or words, so as to avoid and prevent the oppression or injustice from continuing. Of course, the oppressor might not necessarily listen, but at least you did your best to express, because the guidance ultimately belongs to Allah, and in the hereafter, one can at least say in front of Allah that you did your best.
If one hear other people’s misfortune in a group of people, you should try your best to help, not join the discussion of judging and backbiting, and then remind others not to continue, or spreading rumors. If really need to discuss, then the discussion should be only about how to help solve the problem. Otherwise, one should not continue, and remain silent or leave.
Sometimes, the occurrence of certain events needs to be told to the public as vigilance, reminder, learn to deal with it, avoid repeating the same mistakes, or encourage more people to participate, and so on. The whole narrative only needs its process and procedures, and does not need to name those who involved, so as to avoid falling into the backbiting. Therefore, a person’s intention and purpose are very important. Because of a hadith recorded, the Prophet (pbuh) reminded not to backbite of Muslim brothers, or just look for their mistakes. Whoever finds their fault, Allah will find his fault. If Allah finds his fault, then Allah will expose him even if he is in his own room.
This hadith has reflected a lot of reality. People are full of prejudice. If a people don’t like someone, they only see that person’s wrong deeds. No matter what he does, even he did something good before, but one will simply ignore the facts. When a person is biased, it will more or less affect the person’s ability to judge. It is important to know clearly that for a Muslim, as mentioned in the previous episode, it is very important to be an honest witness, not to cover up, to be partial or to conceal the fact. Therefore, this hadith is not to cover up those who have made mistakes, but to protect a believer, to prevent him from only seeing the surface and letting himself fall into negative emotions and prejudice. Meanwhile, ask ourselves who never made a mistake? Maybe just a moment of mistake, one also will not want their mistake being broadcasted or let others use the mistake as an excuse to do more harm.
Another exception, such as finding a spouse for children or other people, needs to know the potential spouses’ details, and may ask the people around the other party about their daily life for further understanding. Then, one must reflect what they have seen and heard personally, not from what they hear from another person.
Just imagine, if someone close to you is getting married, as family members or friends, one should only want to get truthful information to make this important decision. Generally in life, everyone will encounter different unique situations. Therefore, we need to make choices and decisions according to the situation. However, the most common message from the Quran is that fairness, justice and honesty, as long as we uphold this attitude, we can then easily distinguish right and wrong and make informed choices and decisions.
(49:6) O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.
This ayat instructs people not to react when they hear about other people information until they know what is going on. Ask yourself: if you have ever heard rumor about yourself or others in your life, that you just attacked back without asking the reason, or evading completely without asking the question? Many misunderstandings between people are caused by rumors or slander behind them, leading to mutual distrust. The problems caused by backbiting, has exceed what people can understand.
(17:36) And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart – about all those [one] will be questioned.
This Ayat reminds ourselves that one should think twice before you do and say anything, and you should constantly ask yourself about your intentions and purposes, so that you can avoid or reduce wrong choices or decisions. When necessary or not sure, you should remain silent and being neutral, observe and analyze. As the hadith mentioned in the previous podcast, Allah promises heaven if one protects the piece of flesh between the lips and between the legs.
To protect one’s tongue, and avoid backbiting or slander, in addition to the above-mentioned, the other is not to do idle talk, usually meaningless idle talk will lead people unconsciously to find other topics, thus turning into gossip and backbiting. Speak directly and honestly, but remain politeness. If one realizes that other people are gossiping, and backbiting, it depends on the level of closeness between the people and the situation. There are many times when one may not be able to say anything. Therefore, if you can, leave. If it is not possible, then imitate the teachings of the prophets, that is, if there is nothing good to say, choose to remain silent and leave it to Allah to make everything clear.
If during the conversation, someone asks about other people, especially unknown things, they should tell them to ask the person directly. Even if one asks for someone else’s contact information, such as a phone number or email address, the person’s permission should be obtained before they can forward all these.
At last, here will use two hadith as a conclusion of this episode. Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; do not spy on one another; do not look for other’s faults; do not be jealous of one another; do not envy one another; do not hate one another; and do not desert (shun) one another. And O Allah’s servants! Be brothers!
All of the Muslim is sacred to the Muslim, his wealth, honor and his blood. It is evil enough for someone to belittle his Muslim brother.
Next week will continue. Thank you for listening.