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Thank you for the letter from another audience. He recently accepted Islam and became a Muslim. However, he has a relative who passed away recently and was invited to attend the funeral. So he is asking if he can attend? If he does, what should he do?
First of all, congratulations to this new brother who has returned to the embrace of Allah.
Chinese funeral ceremonies vary from person to person. Most of the time, they follow local customs, and different regions have different customs. There is no certain rule, but most of the time there will be loud mourning, burning paper, and burning incense, carrying banners followed by the coffins walking around the town, kneel and kowtow(Sajda) and other rituals, or following other religious rituals.
Everyone’s situation and relationship with the deceased are different. Therefore, before answering this question, you must first know the funeral rituals of Muslims, and then you can make decisions and choices for yourself.
(79:1-3) By those [angels] who extract with violence, And [by] those who remove with ease, And [by] those who glide [as if] swimming …
These three verses actually describe the three conditions of people before they die and souls to be extracted. The first condition refers to people who do not believe in Allah. The angel of death will harshly take out the souls of these people, and their souls will be removed through from every inch of bone, muscle and every skin sac, and the soul is drawn out violently through every part of the body, like a fluffy doll full of holes, the cotton inside is pulled from different holes at the same time. The soul is forcibly drawn out, causing a severely painful and heart-wrenching feeling, and usually the souls of these people have already begun to be punished before their soul are drawn out, the Qur’an (8:50) “And if you could but see when the angels take the souls of those who disbelieved… They are striking their faces and their backs and [saying], “Taste the punishment of the Burning Fire.”
The second situation is that the souls of those people are drawn out very gently, and they will not feel as if they are torn apart like the people in the first situation, and the last situation is the most fortunate believers, their souls will be drawn as if water was slipping out of a cup.
So, before a person dies, whether he believes in Allah or not, all the angels are already filled around the dying person. If we take a room as an example, the whole room will be filled with angels, and there will be no space for them to stand. Therefore, Muslims should constantly recite the Qur’an in front of the dying person, or keep praying to Allah and asking for forgiveness, and keep reminding the dying person to recite Shahada,
(لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ) There is no Lord but Allah.
Hadith recorded, narrated by Ibn Abbas, that when `Umar was stabbed, Suhaib came in weeping and saying, “O my brother, O my friend!” (on this `Umar said to him, “O Suhaib! Are you weeping for me while the Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The dead person is punished by some of the weeping of his relatives?” Ibn `Abbas added, “When `Umar died I told all this to Aisha and she said, ‘May Allah be merciful to `Umar. By Allah, Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) did not say that a believer is punished by the weeping of his relatives. But he said, Allah increases the punishment of a non-believer because of the weeping of his relatives.” Aisha further added, “The Qur’an is sufficient for you (to clear up this point) as Allah has stated: ‘No burdened soul will bear another’s burden.’ ” (35.18). Ibn `Abbas then said, “Only Allah makes one laugh or cry.”
This hadith showed that it is natural to be sad and shedding tears. But what Umar said can be also understood as some scholars explained when a person is dying and focusing on his last moment to recite Shahada, the people around crying can be distracting the focus on reciting Shahada and also feeling distress as it makes the dying person feel more sadness and helplessness. It’s similar to punishing them mentally.
Therefore, after a person dies, those around him can cry and be sad, but they must not cry loudly with screaming, not beating themselves, not pulling their hair, not tearing their own Clothes, not throwing dust at themselves, not blaming Allah, because the Qur’an has clearly pointed out that everyone will taste the death. When, where, and how to die has been determined before a person is born. Life in this world is temporary, everyone is just passing by in this world, death is not the end, but a new beginning.
Therefore, it is recorded in the hadith that sadness for the deceased, no matter who they are, should not exceed three days, and should not indulge in overly sadness to the point of depression, unless it is the death of the husband, this waiting period is four months and ten days. After that, women should wrap up their mood and start anew, not to indulge in grief too much, and can freely choose whether to remarry.
If Muslims pass away in the morning, they will be buried in the afternoon. If they pass away after the late afternoon, they will be buried the next day. In short, the sooner the better, because there are hadiths mentioned if the deceased is good, he should be buried as soon as possible to have peace; if the deceased is not good, then stay away from the people of hell as soon as possible.
It’s because for those who are going to heaven, the grave is like a large and bright room, and they will sleep peacefully until the day of resurrection. On the contrary, the unbeliever and the wrongdoer, the grave is like a very narrow, squeezing, dark and scorching place, suffering all the time, without a moment of relaxation until the day of resurrection.
Therefore, the time from death to funeral is very short, and there is no such procedure to see the deceased’s face before. Unless it is relatives and friends who were waiting by the side when they died, and family members or friends who washed and wrapped the deceased, they can see their faces one last time. Otherwise, everyone has to wait to meet again on the day of resurrection.
And after a Muslim dies, they need to wash and clean, then wrap it in a shroud, and then bury it. Muslims do not cremate, because fire is used by Allah as a tool for punishment.
During the funeral prayer, also known as Janazah. Usually the wrapped deceased is placed in front of the imam who leads the Jannaza. The position of the imam standing will slightly vary between men and women deceased. During the whole prayer, one can only stand, there is no bowing and prostration. Four Takbir in all, that is, the recitation of Allah Akbar.
After each recitation of Allah Akbar, one has to recite some Dua in their heart, but the main idea is to pray to Allah and ask for forgiveness for the deceased, and then salam on the right to end the Janazah prayer. The entire Janazah was in complete silence, no bowing or kowtow except to hear Allah Akbar and Salam. The entire funeral prayer process is very short.
Then, the deceased is sent to the grave for burial as soon as possible. Hadith recorded that everywhere in the world is a praying place, except toilets and graveyards. Therefore, the funeral ceremony is done in the masjid as much as possible, but there are exceptions. There are hadith recorded that the prophet’s companion did not notify him in time that one of the Muslims passed away and was buried. Therefore, the prophet (pbuh) went to the graveyards and prayed Jannazah for the deceased. Therefore, apart from funeral prayers, no other form of prayer is to be allowed in graveyards.
Several hadiths recorded that the Prophet (pbuh) was given the ability to hear the screams of deceased in their graveyards as they were being punished. Therefore, every time the Prophet (pbuh) passed by the graveyards, he would praise Allah and pray for the deceased who believed and would not stay for long. For this reason, within the area of graveyards, one should not talk, except to remind Allah or do Du’a, not to make noise, not to eat or drink, not to entertain or sing, not to speak nonsense, not to gamble, such as playing mahjong, playing cards, and etc.
It can be seen from this that most of the deceased are unable to protect themselves in the grave, so they cannot listen to the living and cannot protect anyone including themselves, so this is why Muslims only confide in Allah and not to the deceased, also not to bow or kowtow to the deceased. At the same time, the deceased cannot receive food, money or anything through burning objects or by any channels, and they have no need for it at all. The only thing they can receive is the prayers of the living to Allah for them. Otherwise, these kinds of things are just men-created rituals and money-making tools that people imagined out of thin air.
Therefore, Muslim funerals are very simple, and there is no need to burn incense, paper, offer food, flowers, and tombstones. All one needs is a shroud. In some areas, there are regulations on the use of coffins, so a simple coffin will do, no need for expensive and grandness.
(9:84) And do not pray [Jannazah], over any of them who has died – ever – or stand at his grave. Indeed, they disbelieved in Allah and His Messenger and died while they were defiantly disobedient.
This verse descended after the Prophet (pbuh) performed the funeral prayer of Abdullah Ibn Ubayy, a disbeliever who pretended to be a believer (hypocrites). Because, the whole Jannazah is actually asking for forgiveness, mercy, and a place in heaven for the deceased. And Allah has mercy on his servants and accepts prayers, and Allah is fair and just, so Allah sent this verse to order not to pray for something that Allah will not accept. Also mentioned the story of the prophet Abraham and his father for example.
(9:113-114) It is not for the Prophet and those who have believed to ask forgiveness for the polytheists, even if they were relatives, after it has become clear to them that they are companions of Hellfire. And the request of forgiveness of Abraham for his father was only because of a promise he had made to him. But when it became apparent to Abraham that his father was an enemy to Allah, he disassociated himself from him. Indeed was Abraham compassionate and patient.
These two verses mean that forgiveness should not be prayed for the known polytheists who have died, but those who are still alive are not included, because no one knows when and when a disbeliever will become a believer. Like all the companions of the Prophet (pbuh), they all became Muslims at different times, places and circumstances.
There are several different hadith records, a collective summary:
One day there was a funeral passing by, the Prophet (pbuh) got up and stood up. Someone informed that it was a Jewish funeral. The Prophet (pbuh) replied that death is a terrible experience. All the angels stood and crowded around the deceased. How can he sit down? He remained standing until the funeral procession disappeared.
This hadith clearly states that even if a person does not attend funerals of other religions, but when any deceased passes by, they should stand up to show the least respect for the angels around them.
To sum up, if the deceased is a known polytheist or idol worshiper, or knowing that the whole process, there are rituals more or less contrary to Islamic teaching, then one should avoid attending. If one insists on attending and thinks he will not participate in any of the rituals, then needs to evaluate as the Chinese saying, “when entering a house, greet people inside. Entering a temple, follow their rules.”
Therefore, if one attends and does not participate in any rituals, it will appear insincere and sometimes seems disrespectful. But if one participates in the rituals, then one have to weigh the pros and cons for oneself in front of Allah.
However, if you have already attended funerals of other religions or ceremonies and participated in some of these activities without knowing it, you don’t need to worry too much, you just need to repent to Allah as soon as possible and do some good deeds as a minimum compensation for your own action, and Stop participating in future activities that are known to be contrary to the teachings of Allah. Because Allah is all-Knowing and accepts repentance.
When people are still alive, whether they believe in Allah or not, still can pray for them and ask Allah for protection and guidance. And after death, even if the deceased is a Muslim, no one can clear say that these people will go to heaven or hell, because what people see is only the surface, only Allah knows every minute and every second of that person, and deep inside their heart. But as the Qur’an has clearly stated, do not hold funerals for those known polytheists, and do not go to their graves, because they do not believe in Allah and his Messenger, but still respect the deceased. Though one cannot pray for the deceased, still can pray for the family of the deceased, for example, ask Allah to grant them patience and calmness soon, ask Allah to give guidance, protection and peace to the living, because Allah is just and merciful, and so on.
Meanwhile, when the moment a Muslim passes away to the funeral to the three-day mourning period, the Muslim community will cook or deliver food for the family of the deceased. The family of the deceased does not have to worry about food, nor does it need to prepare a large amount of food to serve relatives and friends who are participating in the funeral. Very different from Chinese customs. Therefore, even if one knows that one cannot pray for the deceased, cannot attend the funeral, but at least taking action to deliver food to the family of the deceased is more practical and sincere. Support the family with food and grocery until the funeral finishes without attending the funeral.
But in any case, the final decision is still in your hands, and you have to weigh the pros and cons for yourself. What do you want from Allah? Or what do you want from people? You can decide whatever you want.
(9:115) And Allah would not let a people stray after He has guided them until He makes clear to them what they should avoid. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of all things.
Continue to the next episode, thanks for listening.